Monday, December 7, 2009


Damn I love a good pun.

I’m feeling a bit under the weather today. By that, I mean that a cold has punched me in the spleen, stolen my lunch money, called me names, and given me an atomic wedgie that could end all wedgies.

One would think that chicken soup would be a gimme, but I only eat that when my soul is hungry. Today, no part of me is hungry and I can't taste anything. My strategy: grab the can that looks the least delicious and most nutritious. The winner: Progresso Split Pea and Ham.

The soup itself was a green gelatinous mush with swine bits suspended in its delicious viscosity. I say delicious because that's what I want it to be. I truly have no idea, so my review of its flavor must remain neutral. From a visual standpoint, it looked like an infant's hind side exploded in anger. And rage. But that's always the price of admission when choosing split pea.

To my chagrin, I found several whole peas in the soup. Not split in any way, shape or form. Should I consider that a sign? An indication of great things to come? Will I be showered with riches because of this extraordinary, possibly symbolic find? Or should I fear for my life? Take legal action? Illegal action? I suppose only time will tell if this is a blessing or a curse.

Stay tuned.

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