Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Meet TADE. Friend of Stew.

TADE was made in the US of A. TADE owns one shirt with a collar and that collar is blue with gravy stains on it. TADE drives a truck. Or a fuckin’ kick-ass Camaro with mag wheels. TADE likes to cuss and drink macro beer from a can. TADE listens to Molly Hatchet and Maiden cassettes. TADE doesn’t vote. (He’s registered, but in a different way.) TADE has been in one, if not multiple YouTube videos of backyard wrestling. TADE goes hunting for game both large and small. TADE does landscaping. TADE fixes your car. TADE doesn’t take shit from no one. TADE uses double negatives. TADE is fertile and has babies from multiple mommies. TADE thinks Jeff Foxworthy is a pussy.

TADE is a semi-acronym for The Average Dinty Moore Eater. TADE was the immaculate conception of a friend of mine in San Diego. His persona was then developed by the two of us over a period of years. TADE became our friend. Our brother.

I don’t have the original sketch of TADE, so the above is an artist’s rendering of an artist’s rendering. But it’s about 100% photographically accurate.

We all know a TADE. Next time you see the TADE in your life, give him a big bear hug and a kiss on the lips. I bet they’ll taste like beef stew.

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