Thursday, February 4, 2010

You get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

CHARLIE: Is this your supper, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Well, it's yours too, Charlie.
CHARLIE: I'm fed up with cabbage water. It's not enough!

Oompa loompa doompa dee dawesome. That fucking line is totally awesome. If you don’t know what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks I’m talking about, watch this. (It happens at the 7:54 mark, so you may want to go grab a whiskey sour while it loads.)

According to my math, cabbage water is one step down from water with actual cabbage in it. This makes the dysenteric bowls of sludge that I’m forcing down on a daily basis seem quite extravagant.

Here's a conversation I can foresee having with myself:

SELF: Is this my lunch? Campbell's Old-Fashioned Vegetable Beef?
ME: Well, it’s yours too, Self.
SELF: I’m fed up with Campbell's Old-Fashioned Vegetable Beef. It’s not enough!
ME: At least it’s not fucking cabbage water!

Note to Self: I think I’m going to start a band just so I can call it Cabbage Water. It will be an a cappella metal band with Tejano influence. We will have unich go go dancers. We will have a sweet van. We will tour extensively throughout the western portions of the Dakotas. We will have an Icelandic contortionist as our opening act at select venues. On occasion, we will be far too inebriated to perform.

I said GOOD DAY!

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